Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
