So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
