hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
