Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
