Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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