when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
