Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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