Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
