don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
