So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize