like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
