I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize