you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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