this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
