I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
