it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
