I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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