and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
