Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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