mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
