is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
