I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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