So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
