Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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