I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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