we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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