That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
