you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
