so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
