You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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