Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
