I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If I die, sorry about rent.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize