Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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