Already got asked if we're dating
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
