I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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