Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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