It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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