Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
