thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
