It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
