I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
