Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
