so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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