life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
