Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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