You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize