If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
