I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
