You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
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dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize