I wish I could punch you in the face.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
