I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
