She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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