guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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