My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Randomize
