PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
