you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
