i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
