the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
