I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
