Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
