you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
