I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
