Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
