mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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