Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
