So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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