Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
