we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
