I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
