Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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