Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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