That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
