I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
