Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
