I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
