rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
