Me too!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You smell like a Billy Joel song
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
