yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize